Courage

Have you ever dreaded something so much that it literally made you sick to your stomach? Yeah, me too. Recently, I had to face something I feared for weeks prior. In fact, I looked for every excuse to avoid it. I kept thinking something would happen that would keep me from going through with it. Surely! I prayed and prayed about it. Not that I wouldn't have to do it but simply for God's Will so that I could trust in that, whatever should happen. Then the day came. No cancellations, no excuses, no roadblocks. This was going to happen. I had to commit and face what I feared.

The past few months, I have been praying for three things in particular. 1. Wisdom

2. Spiritual Discernment (which I realize is in close relation to wisdom but slightly different) and 3. Courage. Hmmm....that last one. Why courage? Because I know that most of my adult life has been haunted by fear. I hate it and wish I didn't struggle against it. I see how it holds me back in so many ways and I stay bound and determined to defeat it. The Bible tells us over and over not to fear so it doesn't come from God. I've read countless verses, self-help books, podcasts - you name it. But it is the thorn in my side. I've had to overcome fear numerous times. And every time, I hate it.

When I realized what I feared was unavoidable, I prayed for peace about it. The peace that transcends all understanding. (Phil 4:7) Then I trusted. As I prayed for peace, I remembered how I had been praying for courage. I know that courage is not the absence of fear but rather, taking action in spite of fear. How can I become more courageous if I don't practice being courageous? I had a choice to make...continue being miserable in my fear or decide to be courageous. I stepped back from my fear, and embraced the challenge. Not by grit, but by surrender. And that is the big difference. If I trusted that God was answering my prayer and making me more courageous, then I had to let go of my false sense of control and let Him. We try to eliminate fear by taking control. But control is an illusion. I had to step out of the metaphorical boat in the midst of the storm and walk upon the water, focusing on God rather than my fear. And when I did that, I had the most unbelievable peace I could never explain. I felt courageous through peace, not willpower. Surrendering is what gave me power. Our world tends to tell us the opposite. Complete and total trust is what gave me courage. And I rose above my circumstances. I was a true warrior.

I experienced this same peace years ago when I passed out in my backyard and had a near death experience. I knew I had no control but there was One who did. And a couple of months later, at 29 years old, when I faced experimental heart surgery to save my life and knew there was a high risk of death for me whether I opted for or against this procedure, I was not in control. I surrendered that to the only One who has control over my every breath. And in turn, that same surrender gave me supernatural peace.

I journal about what I've learned so I can always look back and remember.

I share this with you because one, these have been defining experiences in my life. And two, to help you if you struggle with fear. I hear you! I face fear all the time. There is a real enemy who would love nothing more than to keep me locked inside a self-imposed prison. But that wouldn't serve my higher calling. So I have to choose to step up and defeat fear every day. I know these stories don't mean I won't still battle fear in many forms. But at least I know how to defeat it. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 1 Timothy 1:7.

If we want to be courageous, we have to step out of our comfort zones and trust. We have to live the life we were called for and not let anything hold us back. Remember, the enemy doesn't attack those who aren't a threat to him. God has equipped us to handle anything he allows to come into our lives. He has equipped us to fulfill the purposes for which we are called. We just have to trust Him. And we don't grow by staying comfortable. We grow by choosing to be courageous in spite of fear.

Be bold my friends. Love deeply. Trust immensely. And live fully.

Til next time,

Kim